| Photo by Marah Bashir on Unsplash
“Here is twenty pesos. Please keep it for me,” she said. I took the money, knowing what it was for. She and I have been going out quietly. She knew I couldn’t afford to spend a penny for her. Even at fifteen, she was tactful not to humiliate me. She was beautiful, generous, and accepting of me. Who would not fall in love with her? In fact, she never ran out of “boyfriends” before I courted her. I have known her since we moved into my aunt’s house in Tondo when I was nine, and we’ve been friends since. We were neighbors, but her family was never friendly to us, except her, who got along with my mom and sisters. Her family never accepted me.
I knew her parents disapproved of our relationship, partly because we were very young and primarily because of my being poor. Most people who live in the slums are poor, but some are really destitute. Her parents were merchants who could send their children to college, while my widowed mother struggled to put clothes on our backs and food on the table. Ours was a hand-to-mouth existence. Despite her family’s opposition, we continued to see each other in secret rendezvous. She was under tremendous pressure to give me up. Her defiance finally crumbled, and one day, she wrote me a parting letter. It was devastating. Our romantic relationship lasted a year; she held up for that long while constantly under the gun.
Unjustly, I was angry at her. I stopped talking to her for a long, long time. My wounded ego blinded me, and I failed to appreciate what she had to put up with while trying to keep me. We remain friends today but disagree with why her parents disapproved of me. I knew it was my family’s low social status. Her parents did not consider me worthy of their daughter. A man without the means to give her a bright future. She believed her parents disapproved of our relationship because of our age. It was perhaps partly true, but I knew I was rejected for being poor.
“I was driven, and it all started when I realized I had very little human capital to reach my dream. And when I felt rejected because I had nothing to offer, I promised myself nobody would make me feel this way ever again.”
I mended my broken heart but remained contemptuous of her family for not giving me a chance. It only increased my resolve, and I vowed to prove them wrong about me. At a very young age, I was already clear about what I wanted in life before I learned what it meant to fall in love. I knew that my wretched life in the slums was only a brief sojourn on a long journey. I did not let the setback detract me. Instead, it inspired me to excel in school and in whatever I put my mind to do. Many distractions along the way were mostly about finding means to support my mother and sisters. I stayed focused.
It took a while to get out of the emotional train wreck. The wound never healed. For the rest of my teenage years and early adulthood, I did not get into any serious relationship. I felt I couldn’t entirely give my heart to trust someone with my love again. On the intellectual level, I was doing splendidly, but I was lonesome. I poured most of my energy into going to college and doing well. I had a big dream of finding a job where I could prove myself. I never cringe at challenges, and my thirst for learning never stopped, even after college. There were many things I needed to improve on myself. I was terrified of speaking before people out of a deep feeling of inadequacy. I worked very hard to overcome it. I love writing but am terrible with grammar. I kept writing and reading to develop a good feeling for writing.
I was driven, and it all started when I realized I had very little human capital to reach my dream. And when I felt rejected because I had nothing to offer, I promised myself nobody would make me feel this way ever again.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Fernando B. Perfas is an addiction specialist who has written several books and articles on the subject. He currently provides training and consulting services to various government and non-government drug treatment agencies regarding drug treatment and prevention approaches. He can be reached at fbperfas@gmail.com.
