Lighten Up

by Juan L. Mercado

(Ligthen up, this friend emailed. There’s life beyond crooks in and out of government. Laugh and learn on Sundays. He sent these items to be shared: the fast thinking senior citizen and Andy Rooney’s words of wisdom. . Enjoy  JLM )

This senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car display room.. Swinging into the main road, he floored it to 160 kilometers per hour. He enjoyed the wind whipping thru what through what little hair he had left.

Amazing, he said to himself as he roared into the main expressway. Then, he pushed the accelerator to the floor..

Suddenly, he heard a siren’s wail. Looking into the car’s glistening rear view mirror, the saw the police car behind him, red and blue lights flashing. “No problem. I can get away from him, – thought the elderly nutcase as he stepped on it some more: 180 kilometers, then 220, up to 240Kmh.

Suddenly, he thought: “What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense!”.

So, he pulled the convertible over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.. Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver’s side of the BMW. He took out his traffic ticket booklet, looked at his watch.

“Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes, he said. Today is Friday. And I’m taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man looked very seriously at the traffic cop. “Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, he said . I thought you were bringing her back.”

Slamming shut his traffic ticket booklet, the officer said : “Have a good day, Sir.”

Andy Rooney was a man who had the gift of saying much with few words. Here are some of his observations: I’ve learned…. That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows.. I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. I’ve learned… . That being kind is more important than being right. I’ve learned. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned…. That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way. I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve learned…. That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I’ve learned… . That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class. I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I’ve learned… That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned…. That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. I’ve learned…. That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. I’ve learned.. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher. I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. I’ve learned…. That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. I’ve learned…. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. I’ve learned…. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned…. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it. I’ve learned …. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

And two short items: Romance Mathematics Smart man + smart woman = Romance. Smart man + dumb woman = Affair Dumb man + smart woman = Marriage. Dumb man + dumb woman = Pregnancy.

Office Arithmetic : Smart boss + smart employee = Profit. Smart boss + dumb employee = Production. Dumb boss + smart employee = Promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = Overtime.

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