| Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash
Part XXI: The Ukraine Crisis
Part XX of this column’s series generated many reactions from readers. Last Sunday’s essay was about political humor used successfully against dictators by people from Egypt, Judea (Israel), the Philippines, Poland, Uganda, and other countries. It discussed the history of humor and the present conflict and crisis in Ukraine. At the end of the essay, this writer broadened the “unarmed people’s weapons” to wit, humor, innuendo, and satire (WHIS).
One of the earliest readers that contacted this author is an American friend who is a publisher of a community news magazine. He, too, is of Filipino descent. He wanted this column to reply to his query if Mr. Putin is related to the infamous Rasputin, the supposed mystical adviser of the last Czar (or Emperor) of a Czarist Russia?
Yes, Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin (1869-1916), the Russian mystic and self-proclaimed holy man. He befriended the family of Nicholas II, the last emperor of Russia. He was reported to have gained considerable influence in the previous decade or so of Imperial Russia. Why the spin on Mr. Rasputin? Because the emperor’s mystic adviser was assassinated on December 30, 1916, at the Yusupov Palace, Saint Petersburg, Russia. Can history be repeated?
This columnist replied that unless DNA analysis is made, there is no way to confirm that Mr. Putin is related to Mr. Rasputin’s alleged holy man.
Remember why this column mentioned the “Philippine-American Society of Pundits, Humorists, and Wags” (PASPHaW)? Its members came up with some funny monikers about Mr. Putin. Yes, just as they did coin funny monikers about Donald J. Trump, whom they called the “Marcos of the United States.” Mr. Trump is also allegedly the “best friend” of Mr. Putin. And together, the PASPHaW members dub the duo the “Trumputinski”? Some PASPHaW members think that Mr. Trump is the new “Rasputin” of Russia, and soon Russians may be calling him the “mystical and blessed Trumputinski.” After all, Mr. Trump — according to Filipino pundits in North America — is allegedly the “Second Coming of Judas Iscariot.” And, of course, Mr. Putin, who was allegedly baptized in the Russian Orthodox Church, might have wanted a spiritual adviser with biblical connections like Mr. Trump.
But then wags allege that if the Russian ruler invites Mr. Trumputinski to join his Kremlin citadel of power, the pundits may have to invent a new spelling for “Bolshevik.” Perhaps it could be spelled like “BSvik.” The copy editor of this publication may not permit this columnist to spell in full the “BS.”
“Remember Ivan IV Vasilyevich, commonly known in the King’s language as “Ivan the Terrible”? He was the grand prince of Moscow from 1533 to 1547 and the first Tsar (spelled also as Czar) of all Russia from 1547 to 1584.”
Why “Trumputinski”? Because Mr. Trump even allegedly named his eldest daughter, Ms. Ivanka, after a Russian. Like “Ivan the Terrible,” the first czar of Imperial Russia? Remember Ivan IV Vasilyevich, commonly known in the King’s language as “Ivan the Terrible”? He was the grand prince of Moscow from 1533 to 1547 and the first Tsar (spelled also as Czar) of all Russia from 1547 to 1584. Pundits and humorists add that Mr. Trump just allegedly added “KA” to “Ivan,” and presto, he came up with a beautiful historical name, “Ivanka.” The “KA” allegedly means “Kremlin Asset”?
But is there truth to the rumor that soon Mr. Putin will invite Ms. Ivanka to be the Russian equivalent of “Joan of Archenemies”?
Last Sunday, this column also mentioned that the PASPHaW members came up with a new first name for Mr. Putin, “Bloodymore.” A reader asked this columnist why such a first name? Because Mr. Putin, his generals, and cronies have blood on their hands. Yes, Ukrainian blood and those of the foreign volunteers enlisted in the Ukrainian military to fight against Russian aggression. Then there is a rumor circulating among Russians that Mr. Putin is taking baths out of blood taken from deer antlers — as a supposed Rasputin-like cure for cancer. The said reader exclaimed that “perhaps the reason Mr. Putin invaded Ukraine is that the Ukrainian deer have cleaner, sacred and more-potent blood for cancer cure allegedly.”
Reports of Mr. Putin’s alleged ill-health and lingering illnesses continue to be reported discreetly by some Russian journalists. And the reports are picked up by the foreign press. One medical rumor, oops, report says that Mr. Putin allegedly has Parkinson’s disease. It might be why some Americans of Russian descent say that a new state-of-the-art hospital near a Russian ski resort has a new park unofficially named “Putin’s Park for Kin and Sons.” Or, for short, “P-Parkinsons.”
But on a serious note, many tyrants like Ferdinand Marcos, Sr. of the Philippines, and Idi Amin of Uganda all suffered from medical disorders as they neared 70. And all of them died prematurely — that is, at a relatively young (senior-citizen) age. Mr. Putin will soon be a septuagenarian. Perhaps the oft-quoted adage, “Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad,” is lifted from another ancient saying written by an anonymous author. The other adage? “Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make medically sick”?
The PASPHaW guys also use the euphemism of “Dick” for “Dictator.” Ergo, Mr. Trump and Dictator Amin are the “Big Dicks”? And Mr. Putin and the Tyrant Marcos the “Small Dicks”?
“Yes, political humor was said to be practiced by the little men and women of Egypt even before the “overbearing rulers” ordered the building of the pyramids that made little sense to them.”
And one of the more famous tyrants supposedly punished by God (or gods) was King Herod, who ordered the massacre of newly-born sons at the time of the birth of Jesus Christ. King Herod wanted to eliminate the coming “King of the Jews,” per the Scriptures. The tyrant Herod died prematurely of an illness that made worms come out of his body.
Reports also say that Mr. Putin will allegedly undergo surgery soon as part of cancer treatment. The medical team has been reportedly warned that if the patient does not come out alive and kicking, all of them will join the Russian ruler on his way to the Great Beyond — just like the ancient pharaohs of Egypt.
Aha! Aly Mahmoud was right when he wrote: “. . . Once again, confronted with troublesome issues, the Egyptians have responded with a crop of jokes. They have traditionally coped with problems big and small with bitter jokes, the little man’s defense against overbearing rulers and great events beyond his control . . .”
Yes, political humor was said to be practiced by the little men and women of Egypt even before the “overbearing rulers” ordered the building of the pyramids that made little sense to them.
Just like what the world — from Pope Francis and patriarchs to the poor peasants and passionate pundits — thinks that the Russian invasion of Ukraine makes little, or no, sense at all. Can it be “Rasputinism” (now called “Trumputinism”) all over again? Your guess is as good as this columnist’s educated guess.
