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Some of us have come across the word transference in our psychology class in college or psychotherapy. It’s one of many insightful ideas by the famous Viennese psychiatrist Sigmund Freud. In simple terms, it means an unconscious projection of feelings about a person in our past or the here and now, often loaded with strong, conflicted emotions. It often occurs in therapy between a client and a therapist, whereby the former develops strong feelings of dislike or attraction towards the latter. In therapy, the therapist uses the transference as a therapeutic learning experience for the client through counter-transference, an exploration of the client’s projection on the therapist.
The transference phenomenon is quite common inside a counseling room and in our encounters with people in school, church, workplace, or elsewhere where we form interpersonal relationships. The encounter is often not casual but one with some regularity, allowing for a personal relationship to develop. These relationships assume some level of significance over time, for example, between a pastor and a member of a congregation, a boss and a subordinate, a teacher and a student, or even among friends. The nature of the relationship may develop into a dysfunctional one depending on the projected conflicted feelings and the response or counter-transference of the object of transference. Since all these transpire beneath our conscious awareness, the unschooled on this phenomenon might respond inappropriately.
Recently, as I reflected on my bosses or supervisors in the early years of my career, I was pleased I got along very well with them. I worked hard to earn their trust and respect; they consider me a good employee. It was easy on my part to look up and respect them because they were all Catholic priests, and I addressed them as Fathers. It was quite providential that my bosses in three different agencies were priests. I would go to great lengths in my job not to disappoint them. I diligently learned everything there was to learn in our field of work. I came up with new ideas about how best to do my job, leading me to develop a high level of expertise in my line of work. Recently, I realized that my excellent relationships with all my superiors were based on my transference to them.
“To feel accepted and respected by them became an overriding need. I was pleased that I could sublimate my unresolved negative feelings for my father and use those feelings to achieve better outcomes. Superstitiously, I truly believe my deceased father inspired me to overcome many obstacles in life as his way of making it up for me.”
I was about ten when I lost my father. At a young age, I had already developed a conflicted relationship, defined mostly by fear and hatred toward him. He dished out severe physical punishments for my transgressions, mostly for ignoring house rules or breaking things at home. I was a restless soul, a hyperactive child who got under his skin. To make matters worse, I felt he favored my older brother, whom he was very proud of doing well in school and not being as a handful as I was. My father’s untimely death not only changed my family’s fortune for the worse but also left me with the emotional burden of an unfinished and unresolved conflict I had with him. I don’t think I even grieved over his death. Instead, I grieved over my mother’s loss, for he adored my father.
My underlying unresolved emotional conflict with my father would play out later in my life. It helped that all my bosses early in my career were priests, and as I addressed them, Father, it facilitated a transference of my early experience with my father. However, instead of projecting fear and anger onto them, respect and the desire to please them were my unconscious motivations. To feel accepted and respected by them became an overriding need. I was pleased that I could sublimate my unresolved negative feelings for my father and use those feelings to achieve better outcomes. Superstitiously, I truly believe my deceased father inspired me to overcome many obstacles in life as his way of making it up for me.
After my father’s death, I played a more significant role as a surrogate father figure for my younger sisters and helped my mother raise them more than my brother did. And my unconscious desire to please my father, even years after his death, motivated me to become the most highly educated in the family and who had a successful career.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Fernando B. Perfas is an addiction specialist who has written several books and articles on the subject. He currently provides training and consulting services to various government and non-government drug treatment agencies regarding drug treatment and prevention approaches. He can be reached at fbperfas@gmail.com.