Yesterday’s Parties

by Juan L. Mercado

(People all over town have now  taken  down  the Nativity crib,  star lanterns and Christmas tree. The old schedule is  back  too: “Five  hours in the office or malls, four hours in traffic,” says an emailed  comment.   This letter   had  a rib-tickling  play on how election year  politics  affected Christmas. Here are excerpts.  Enjoy – JLM ).

Who was the busiest senator last Christmas! Who else but Loren Legarda. She  hopped from party to party.  Juan Ponce Enrile   rejected suggestions to let Senators Jamby Madrigal, Bong Revilla, and Lito Lapid play the role of the three wise men in the Natvity scene. at the Senate..

Instead of designating someone to buy stuff for the Senate Yuletide party, Sen. Manny Villar himself did the shopping this year. The most expensive item he bought was Loren Legarda.

Something  strange happened to the Nativity scene created by Panfilo Lacson in his senate office.  The three kings, who were traveling at night were mistaken for robbers and were ‘neutralized.’ Lacson accused Erap of masterminding it.

Malacañang staged it’s own Nativity play. Virgilio Garcillano, Hermogenes Esperon and Ronaldo Puno acted as the three kings. They didn’t bring incense, gold, or myrrh. Instead, they  pledged  to deliver  votes.

Andal Ampatuan Jr, however, offered  to play Herod,  so he could slaughter innocents.  Mikey Arroyo protested his exclusion.  He turned down an offer to be “the shit of a camel.” Atty. Gilbert Teodoro had a difficult time shopping. So he just let Ronaldo Puno do the work for him.

Congressmen couldn’t complete their own Nativity play. Nobody dared to play Jesus. But everyone was qualified to play the role of an ass.

At   Times Street, Noynoy Aquino had a difficult time finishing his Nativity Scene because Kris Aquino insisted on playing the role of the star.  Over  in  Polk Street, chaos marred the recreation of the Estradas’ Nativity Scene. Erap played the role of Joseph but everday, a different woman played   the role of Mary.

The Nativity Scene in Gilbert Teodoro’s house was reportedly one of the most intricate, beautiful, and well-crafted recreations. Unfortunately, only  two  percent of his friends have seen it.

You found  all kinds of Christmas decors at the residence of environmentalist  Nicanor Perlas except for the Nativity Scene. According to the Comelec, he doesn’t have the  capability and the resources to create one.

The Villars’ Laurel mansion in Shaw Blvd. boasted the most expensive decors. There were   two six-foot Christmas trees, two giant Santa Clauses, and two life-size Nativity Scenes. A recent survey showed that Villar  narrowed the gap between him and  Noynoy. So, he tried  a double  Christmas celebration! Brother  Eddie Villanueva’s own Nativity Scene topped them all. Surrounding the  Babe in the manger were  five  million sheep! 

But  it was the tattered  Communist Party of the Philippines  that  produced perhaps the oddest of all Nativity Scene re-creations. Their wise men are in Congress. The  shepherds are in the Sierra Madre mountains. And their god ( lower case”g”)  burrows  in the Netherlands!  Senatorial aspirant and retired Army Major Gen. Jovito Palparan doesn’t like people in Santa outfit. He refused to elaborate but said, “I just hate Reds.”

A Yuletide trivia about the Defensor-Santiagos: . Since 1992, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago and her husband refused to display  Christmas trees in their house. Asked why, the couple replied, “Ganun katindi ang galit namin sa mga puno.”

Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay  was  perhaps the most consistent local executive when it came to playing Santa Claus to his constituents. He’s been doing that for 23 consecutive years!

The Liberal Party’s re-enactment of the Nativity  story   was one of the most controversial. Serge Osmeña backed out from playing Jesus when he learned that Ralph and Vilma Recto   would play Joseph and Mary.

In Pampanga, the re-enactment of the Nativity Scene at the capitol was ordered stopped by Governor Ed Panlilio. The priest-on-leave canceled the event when Mr. and Mrs. Bong and Lilia Pineda insisted on playing the role of the Infant’s “godparents.”

In fairness to Lakas-Kampi- CMD, they did try to  stage   the Nativity Scene. They just couldn’t really complete the cast.

The Roxas-Araneta family had a lavish Christmas party in which the Nativity Scene was reenacted.   As expected, Mar Roxas played Joseph.  Korina Sanchez  acted as the Babe’s  stepmother.

Former senator Jovito Salonga  informed one and all  that  his   favorite Christmas carol is “The Christmas Song.” He particularly likes the line that goes, “And so I’m offering this simple phrase/ To kids from 1 to 92…”  Sen. Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr. also loves “The Christmas Song.” He gets horny when he hears the line, “Chest nuts roasting on an open fire…”

Rumors say Korina was a no-show at the Christmas party of ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs… making it the group’s most enjoyable gathering in recent years.    The Kapuso Network’s party for the press was well thought of. However, network bosses were reportedly alarmed when ABS-CBN’s press party got a higher rating from the attendees!

In terms of variety though, ABC 5’s Yuletide parties top them all. Every year, they celebrate the Holidays with new owners, new bosses, and new officemates.

Finally, for the first time in  journalism  history, the Philippine Daily Inquirer and the Philippine Star had a joint Christmas party. Thanks to their joint sponsor, Noynoy Aquino.

Happy New Year!

( Email: juanlmercado@gmail.comThis e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it )

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